From one round ocean west emerges the newborn
A hand of fleur and a hand with the gift of the gods
Caninus and Califus shall a jubilant heart reveal
A union pure for many shall a promise bestow
I had just sold a house before the real estate crash and was flushed with a lot of cash. Something was in the air that summer that I had a real bad itch to see Elvis. Obviously, I couldn’t let my wife know that I was planning a trip to Las Vegas so I brought my one-year-old baby boy for a little bonding – he was also my cover. Never in a million years could she have guessed where I went. When she asked me to see the Disneyland pictures, I told her that the film got messed up.
It was an uneventful weekend until we were already heading back on the 15 Freeway. I was really getting into the groove because Willie Nelson was on the radio singing, “On the road again”. Then, without warning I heard a loud commotion in the back. I thought my son had only cut the cheese but it turned out to be the real McCoy.
In the “City of Sin” there can be no bigger sin than running out of diapers for your infant child while in a car driving down the hot and steamy 15 Freeway. It was a real big mess. The car was engulfed with a putrid smell that even with the windows open, it was still enough to mangle your nostrils. For several miles, until I couldn’t keep it up any longer, I was driving on the freeway with my head outside of the car like Jim Carey in Ace Ventura.
While feeling the strong desert wind on my face, I remembered that I had a AAA Card and immediately pulled over. At first I tried getting them to bring me some diapers but they said they couldn’t do it – it wasn’t a car part. So, finally, I pretended that my car had broken down and parked it under the shade of a bridge. This is where Yestradamus’ word “bestow” comes into play. I had the car “towed” to the nearest supermarket. I could only handle the smell for so long until I had to breath again.
When he finally got there, the Tow-Truck Driver decided it was safer to leave my son in my car while we towed it because he said he had an allergic condition and might crash the rig if he had to put up with the smell. So, while I was riding shotgun in the rig, my son was riding behind in tow and having a hell of a time. At a young age he already took a liking to the dangerous sensations of speed.
Anyways, the quatrain also used the words “fleur”, “gift of the gods”, “Caninus and Califus” and “union”. I have no idea what the Yestradamus was drinking when he wrote those words but I have a feeling he was just completely ripped because I haven’t a clue. So, I guess I’ll have to get drunk to approximate what he was feeling and maybe get an insight. Once again, l’ll have to bring my baby boy out for some quality bonding at a friendly neighborhood bar. I’ll let the readers know what we, the boys, discover.
Analyst 147X
