We were at a coffee shop and our food order hadn't yet arrived when Mo's Mom began her tale: "I never got the chance when he was younger but I should have done it a few years ago when I had the opportunity. I wanted to give Mo a surgical procedure that I invented I call the “Mommy Tuck”. Had I been able to do that, my life would be much better today".
"You don’t mean the Tummy Tuck do you?", I asked.
“Oh no”, she replied. “This is different. It’s a simple in-patient procedure. What you do is you stretch your kid’s lower lip and staple it to your child’s forehead. That way you take away their power to talk back to you and more importantly you can’t see your child’s face. Whenever I see Mo I get nervous like something bad is about to happen”.
“This invention came about a few months ago. It started as a really beautiful day – as beautiful as the idea that was born. I was looking forward to that day for months. I had arranged a “girls night-out” with my other girlfriends. There are 6 women in our group and all have problematic kids like Mo. So every now and again we would go on an outing to do other things to make us forget our bad luck. For a few hours every blue moon all the girls in the group get to enjoy the company of likeminded women trying to figure out a way to get back at their problem child. So between dancing and drinking and people watching, we come up with tactics and strategies meant to put our problem child on ice”. “We are even thinking of patenting this invention as the “Problem Kid Mouth Arrest Noose” or PAKMAN for short”.
“We were at an Irish Pub that evening having the usual fair of “Corned Beef and Cabbage” and for some reason one of the plates had way too much salt and pepper. When one of my friends bit into the cabbage the nostril gushing surprise made her face pucker so badly that her lower lip actually reached her eyebrows. That was how we came up with idea. We wanted her to do it again but she was never able to unless we used a stapler to hold her lip in place and we just couldn’t do it to her”.
“My resolve to develop and perfect the procedure came later that evening when I got home. I was so happy that I was able to get together with the other girls that I was laughing and smiling as I entered the house. The alcohol had yet to wear off that I was tingly inside and was very happy. The lights were turned off against the instructions that I left Mo. It didn’t even occur to me that a terrible surprise was waiting for me. I turned on the light and sitting in the middle of my living room was Mo with a pop-up bed that raised Mo up slowly like an old fashioned horror picture. He was apparently drunk and had two single shot miniature bottles of Jack Daniels plugged in his ears that made him look like a big belly version of Frankenstein. Even the alcohol I drank couldn’t save me from the scary moment that I threw up all the cabbage. I looked like Linda Blair in the Exorcist. What a nightmare! The next morning I started working on this new procedure and I have been looking for the day to get even with Mo”.
View Linda Blair throw up in the Exorcist
View Linda Blair put a fright on a kid (Not Mo)
View video of patient after procedure
"You don’t mean the Tummy Tuck do you?", I asked.
“Oh no”, she replied. “This is different. It’s a simple in-patient procedure. What you do is you stretch your kid’s lower lip and staple it to your child’s forehead. That way you take away their power to talk back to you and more importantly you can’t see your child’s face. Whenever I see Mo I get nervous like something bad is about to happen”.
“This invention came about a few months ago. It started as a really beautiful day – as beautiful as the idea that was born. I was looking forward to that day for months. I had arranged a “girls night-out” with my other girlfriends. There are 6 women in our group and all have problematic kids like Mo. So every now and again we would go on an outing to do other things to make us forget our bad luck. For a few hours every blue moon all the girls in the group get to enjoy the company of likeminded women trying to figure out a way to get back at their problem child. So between dancing and drinking and people watching, we come up with tactics and strategies meant to put our problem child on ice”. “We are even thinking of patenting this invention as the “Problem Kid Mouth Arrest Noose” or PAKMAN for short”.
“We were at an Irish Pub that evening having the usual fair of “Corned Beef and Cabbage” and for some reason one of the plates had way too much salt and pepper. When one of my friends bit into the cabbage the nostril gushing surprise made her face pucker so badly that her lower lip actually reached her eyebrows. That was how we came up with idea. We wanted her to do it again but she was never able to unless we used a stapler to hold her lip in place and we just couldn’t do it to her”.
“My resolve to develop and perfect the procedure came later that evening when I got home. I was so happy that I was able to get together with the other girls that I was laughing and smiling as I entered the house. The alcohol had yet to wear off that I was tingly inside and was very happy. The lights were turned off against the instructions that I left Mo. It didn’t even occur to me that a terrible surprise was waiting for me. I turned on the light and sitting in the middle of my living room was Mo with a pop-up bed that raised Mo up slowly like an old fashioned horror picture. He was apparently drunk and had two single shot miniature bottles of Jack Daniels plugged in his ears that made him look like a big belly version of Frankenstein. Even the alcohol I drank couldn’t save me from the scary moment that I threw up all the cabbage. I looked like Linda Blair in the Exorcist. What a nightmare! The next morning I started working on this new procedure and I have been looking for the day to get even with Mo”.
View Linda Blair throw up in the Exorcist
View Linda Blair put a fright on a kid (Not Mo)
View video of patient after procedure
