Seeing my children is an event no matter how you look at it. It isn’t very often that I see them anymore after the state took away my Department of Real Estate License and my CA Driver's License. Things rise to a complicated ordeal when you are an indigent. Imagine being without a car and wanting to take your children out on an afternoon outing that has more than one stop. We have a good enough bus system here in the OC for going to and from work. However, Southern California is a place best traversed by car. It’s always been that way.
I’ve met other fathers in my situation – the dead beats, they call them. I’ve seen their self-loathing and their survivalist reactions to the way society treats them. What is most hurtful to a decent enough father is the accusation of child abandonment. I will have none of that. One thing that anyone will never be able to say is that I’ve abandoned my children. I’ve stayed around town primarily for that reason. I am a homeless person living my life in a five-block area of Aliso Viejo. I made sure that no matter what, they could always find me even if I don’t have my cell phone service, which happens often.
Thursday turned out to be a fantastic day. The weather was very typical of Southern California. It was sunny and warm, around the mid-80’s on the thermometer. I was at the Neighborhood Cup and unannounced walks in my daughter. After a short chat, we ended up having lunch at “Rubio’s Fish Tacos”. Fortunately, she had her mother's car. From there, we decided to partake the bounty that is SoCal and went to the beach – Laguna Beach – by Montage Resorts and spent about an hour and a half there.
There were many things on my mind and I didn’t realize what was happening. I wasn’t perceptive enough until we got to the beach and she showed me a picture she took with my camera. It was a picture of something she scribbled on the sand that said “Bambina Day October 22, 2009. Only then did it hit me.
My kids and I have a special day we spend together individually. For Ashley, the day is called "Bambina Day". Bambina is an Italian word for “little girl”. My son’s day is called “Boo Boo Dada Day” – words we coined when they were still very young – infantile and simple syllabic that even a toddler can pronounce and understand. The wide-eyed expression that it would elicit is something to behold, for they knew it was going to be more fun than whatever it was they were doing at the moment. There were no set dates, just impromptu trips anywhere their heart desired. The idea is to have bonding moments with my child individually, without the other sibling, so they have my undivided attention. In my pre-indigent life, the operative word was indulgence – I more or less indulged my child’s every wishes. The “Rubio’s Fish Tacos” was a favorite of hers even when she was still a little child. So, a trip there was always part of “Bambina Day”. But the day was about a conversation. Our chat drifted to the usual cares of the day – school, her boyfriend and all things that bring about the normal teenage anxieties. We ended our day-off way too early because of other commitments and she finally dropped me off at the Neighborhood Cup. Those father and daughter moments are always special and that was exactly what we both needed to balance out all the static noises of life.
Every morning I arrive at the Neighborhood Cup and look across the street where City Lights Apartments (LACAMBRA V SHEA PROPERTIES) is situated and I tell myself, “What you did to me was very hurtful to my children and I. It was reprehensible and beneath any measure of human decency. I am a passionate man with very deep feelings and I will not stop until I show the world what happened here. Only then will I be able to make my life whole again.
(I just gave psychologists, psychiatrists and shrinks of every form an interesting case study about the very complex human psyche. But I guarantee you, whatever their prognostications; they’re way off the mark. I’m not deranged, just incredibly pissed off.)
PICS OF BAMBINA DAY
VIEW OF CITY LIGHTS FROM THE CUP
I’ve met other fathers in my situation – the dead beats, they call them. I’ve seen their self-loathing and their survivalist reactions to the way society treats them. What is most hurtful to a decent enough father is the accusation of child abandonment. I will have none of that. One thing that anyone will never be able to say is that I’ve abandoned my children. I’ve stayed around town primarily for that reason. I am a homeless person living my life in a five-block area of Aliso Viejo. I made sure that no matter what, they could always find me even if I don’t have my cell phone service, which happens often.
Thursday turned out to be a fantastic day. The weather was very typical of Southern California. It was sunny and warm, around the mid-80’s on the thermometer. I was at the Neighborhood Cup and unannounced walks in my daughter. After a short chat, we ended up having lunch at “Rubio’s Fish Tacos”. Fortunately, she had her mother's car. From there, we decided to partake the bounty that is SoCal and went to the beach – Laguna Beach – by Montage Resorts and spent about an hour and a half there.
There were many things on my mind and I didn’t realize what was happening. I wasn’t perceptive enough until we got to the beach and she showed me a picture she took with my camera. It was a picture of something she scribbled on the sand that said “Bambina Day October 22, 2009. Only then did it hit me.
My kids and I have a special day we spend together individually. For Ashley, the day is called "Bambina Day". Bambina is an Italian word for “little girl”. My son’s day is called “Boo Boo Dada Day” – words we coined when they were still very young – infantile and simple syllabic that even a toddler can pronounce and understand. The wide-eyed expression that it would elicit is something to behold, for they knew it was going to be more fun than whatever it was they were doing at the moment. There were no set dates, just impromptu trips anywhere their heart desired. The idea is to have bonding moments with my child individually, without the other sibling, so they have my undivided attention. In my pre-indigent life, the operative word was indulgence – I more or less indulged my child’s every wishes. The “Rubio’s Fish Tacos” was a favorite of hers even when she was still a little child. So, a trip there was always part of “Bambina Day”. But the day was about a conversation. Our chat drifted to the usual cares of the day – school, her boyfriend and all things that bring about the normal teenage anxieties. We ended our day-off way too early because of other commitments and she finally dropped me off at the Neighborhood Cup. Those father and daughter moments are always special and that was exactly what we both needed to balance out all the static noises of life.
Every morning I arrive at the Neighborhood Cup and look across the street where City Lights Apartments (LACAMBRA V SHEA PROPERTIES) is situated and I tell myself, “What you did to me was very hurtful to my children and I. It was reprehensible and beneath any measure of human decency. I am a passionate man with very deep feelings and I will not stop until I show the world what happened here. Only then will I be able to make my life whole again.
(I just gave psychologists, psychiatrists and shrinks of every form an interesting case study about the very complex human psyche. But I guarantee you, whatever their prognostications; they’re way off the mark. I’m not deranged, just incredibly pissed off.)
PICS OF BAMBINA DAY
VIEW OF CITY LIGHTS FROM THE CUP
