Turkey Day Plus Two ...

The weekend was quiet and was spent getting organized for the coming battles ahead. I was able to check off three important things on my “To Do List”. First, I was able to rent a storage unit from Aliso Viejo Self Storage yesterday. It's a small space measuring 5 ft. X 7 ft. - enough for my needs at the present time. Because I have neither a home nor an office, having a place to store the legal documents and files I produce (attorney product) is very helpful. Every file is now within walking distance from the AV Library. Second, I acquired a new mailing address from the UPS Store right in the heart of town. The previous PO Box was in Mission Viejo and was a little out of the way for me. The UPS Store has a wonderful feature where an email is automatically sent to me when a piece of parcel arrives. Lastly, I was able to get a membership at the 24 Hour Fitness – Agassi Sport. It is reputed to be one of the most impressive in the country and is in Laguna Niguel, CA. The day after Thanksgiving, they had a special that was too hard to pass up. I now have a place to shower after my trail runs. Because of my situation, I haven’t been able to do trail runs or mountain bike rides like I used to. This gives me a reason to start a training program again – maybe, a couple of marathons next year in preparation for the 24 Hours of Lemons.
 
The next item on my list is a Multi-Function machine. I'll need it to make my copies, my printing and to scan the filed documents on to the blogspot. I found a couple that I thought could handle my requirements and am currently in negotiations. I am actually excited about the next round of battles. It’s very invigorating for me. The opposition(s) will be surprised by what they will see in the ring this time around. In boxing they call it the “angles” and they’d better be ready because I will take them into deep waters and show them every angle conceivable.
 
I made arrangements to get my camera back from my daughter, Ashley, tomorrow morning. This will give me a chance to give our readers a view of “Robert’s Life”.

My Plymouth Rock

There are a number of facts surrounding the “Thanksgiving Holiday” that are misunderstood. The first and most common relates to when the Pilgrim's first celebrated “Thanksgiving”. It wasn’t upon their arrival on December 11, 1620 that Thanksgiving was first celebrated as is generally thought but actually the next year after the first harvest. The first winter was devastating to the Pilgrims and by the end of the next fall they had lost 46 out of the 102 who sailed on the Mayflower to the New World. The Indians in the region were credited for helping the new settlers survive the harsh conditions that first winter and joined them in the celebrations the next harvest on the day we now call Thanksgiving.
 
The second most common misconception is that the Pilgrims established the first settlement in the New World. There were many other settlements that pre-dated the arrival of the Mayflower. One of the most famous occurred 13 years prior when a group of entrepreneurs and settlers sailed from London and landed in Jamestown, Virginia on May 14, 1607 and established the colony now known as Jamestown (of John Smith and Pocahontas fame). As were the circumstances in the early days, the elements had a harsh hand to play in their story. By 1609, only 60 of the original 214 settlers survived.
 
Part of America's story is about braving the unknown and following one’s dreams. Many who come to the "Land of Opportunity" do so in search of an ideal – generally for the betterment of one’s standing in life. It may be to pursue religious freedom like the Pilgrims or to pursue a business venture, as was the charter for the settlers of Jamestown. Today, the reasons for coming to the America are varied but remain true to the spirit of the early settlers. It could be to pursue a world-class education or simply to see Disneyland and for that matter anything in between. No other country on earth has such a magnetic hold on the imagination.
 
Experiencing what amounts to some of the deepest and darkest crevices of my life, I still have many things to be grateful for. Even at my lowest, I am comforted by the knowledge that I live in the greatest country ever conceived by man. I brave the future knowing that my experiences are transitive and after the proverbial winter, I will emerge even better, stronger and wiser.
 
I am a first generation immigrant. My Plymouth Rock is a city called Laguna Niguel where I awoke the next morning after arriving in 1981. A month later I left America and didn’t return until 1983. About 4 years ago, I wrote about my experiences as an immigrant relying solely on my memory of that trip some 27 years ago. The mind is a fickle creature and may have been selective in remembering details clouded by the passage of time. Nevertheless, certain feelings remain to this day and have been the source of some of my wildest dreams and aspirations. I haven’t revised it since I last wrote it as I felt it captured the feelings when I first penned the essay some 4 years ago.
 
MY PLYMOUTH ROCK   
 
Happy Thanksgiving everyone …

Mo Tales, The Bats

It was at a café that I met Mo’s Mom one pleasant evening. It was dinner time and we were surrounded by great cheer. There were families and children having moments of familial joy – talking, joking and laughing. But all that - the music, the lighting and jolly servants could not get her in a merry mood. It wasn’t soon after we sat when the stories of Mo started. I could tell it has been bothering her for a while because all the stories about Mo are so full of details as if she had gone through it in her mind over and over and over again. And thus, the story began:

“Mo is such a bad boy", she grumbled with a shaky voice. "He has been the cause of some of the most painful embarrassments of my life. There is only one reason why his school would call me into the Principal’s Office and it is never to get an award for nice things like a normal mother. I’ve been called in a few times before but there was one time in particular that stood out. When I wrote about it in my diary years later, I called it the “Bat Incident”. Believe me, not many things can give me the kind of goose bumps that a call from the Principals Office can. When something bad happens, it’s usually something that Mo did to another person. But a call from school means that he did something bad to other children. And that’s enough to give me knots in my stomach”.

“When I arrived at the school, I was met with strange and ominous stares from the schoolchildren. There were also whispers. “Is that Mo’s Mom, where’s her broom?” “She doesn’t look like a witch.” “She must have hidden her broom and witch hat outside”.”

“His teacher, Mrs. Adams, met me at the Principal’s Office and we soon found ourselves in the conference room. After the pleasantries, the bad news started. Mrs. Adams told me about a school project that went terribly bad”. With a restrained voice masking anger, she began to tell me, "About a week ago, we had an art project and we had the kids making origami. Because he was sitting in the back, the art teacher didn’t see what Mo was making. While other kids were making the usual paper animals – cranes, fishes, animals, flowers and other interesting things, Mo was making Vampire Bats. But it wasn’t what he was making that caused the uproar; it was what he did with it. When the Art Teacher was called away, Mo took the classroom over like a military junta and had all the girls line up. He then demanded all of them to wear his Vampire Bat origami as earrings. He then took a baseball bat and with a loud thunderous swing at one of the desks threatened to inflict physical harm if they remove the vampire bats from their ears”.

“Come with me, please, and I will show you what I mean", Mrs. Adams said as she showed me the way. We then walked to the classroom not far from the Principals Office. Not knowing what to expect gave the short quiet walk the feeling of a person on her way to the electric chair. I remember thinking that there are only a few mothers on this earth who could end up with a child like this and I don’t know what I ever did to deserve having a child like Mo”.

“We then sat at the teacher’s desk at the front of the class, facing all the students. There were about 10 girls who were lined up in a row sitting beside each other. The girls all had long and sad faces almost at the verge of tears – almost shaking from fear. All of them had vampire bats dangling from their ears upside down. Their faces looked like stalactites in a cave with bats sleeping on them. I thought I was on a nature tour of some underground cave with bats living in it”.

The story didn’t have to continue any further. The image of bats on the side of teenager’s faces was a lot to take in – at least until the next time I take her out for another night out on the town. Until then, I could only wonder what other Mo Tales she will regale me with.  

Road House

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines the word “Road House” as “an inn or tavern usually outside city limits providing liquor and usually meals, dancing and gambling.” The word was reportedly first used in 1857. Since the year is now 2008, I offer a new definition that is more appropriate for our times and economic conditions. “Road House: an automobile, truck or any land based vehicle that is used as a dwelling.” Example: “Robert is road housing in his ’99 Chrysler 300M.”

On the right of this blog is a counter that shows how many days I have been living in my car. There are two reasons why I added that feature. At some point, any number of my cases will eventually go to trial. In the hands of the jury will be the vexing question, “How should I award Robert for all the appalling things that were perpetrated on him?” I pondered that myself and found it very difficult to answer, thus explaining why none of my complaints ask for any amount, instead deferring the decision to the jury. During closing arguments I will try to frame that question by asking the jury a hypothetical question. “If you were approached by someone who offered you a job to be a depraved, hungry and suffering homeless person 24 hours a day for one month, how would you like to be compensated? And if you find that experience atrocious, what would you do to prevent that from happening again - to you or anyone else?" Then, I would ask them to look at my counter and consider how many weeks, months or years I’ve been doing it for, all because of the malicious actions of the Defendants.

The second reason I created a day counter is to make sure I remain furious. Somehow, it is much easier to go through my struggles while in a state of anger. One of my favorite Track & Field coaches, Pat Tyson, once said, “Dwell on the positive but have controlled passionate anger.” Of course, he said that in the context of competitive running but that quote applies well to my situation. The day counter shows the length of time it has taken for me to get my life back, if at all. I am outraged by the lack of a simple way to address legal disputes that I wonder why people aren’t yelling at the top of their lungs demanding change. 

Many of the situations discussed on my blog are things that are experienced by ordinary, decent and hardworking individuals across this country everyday. Because of economic, emotional and/or other reasons, most are not disposed to filing an expensive lawsuit. Instead, they take a more practical alternative and accept the fact that institutions and laws tasked to protect them are simply inadequate. I wish to give them a voice – a loud booming voice – one that will reverberate all the way to the doorsteps of our nation’s leaders.

Rich & Nina (14th November 2008)

I had some down time one afternoon and took the rare opportunity to visit a pet store in town. I’ve always been fascinated with animals and was curious to find out what the store had. I came around the fish section and was inspecting the variety of fishes when on the other side, his face distorted by the aquarium full of water and the wandering fishes was the unmistakable face of Rich. Having recognized me, he came around to greet me.

“Dude, you wont believe what kinds of deals I have here in my basket", he said while stretching the basket to within inches of my face. I looked in the basket and saw an assortment of pet products that included grooming items like hairbrushes, combs and dog hair care products.

“I didn’t know that you had a pet.”

“Oh no, these are for my own personal use.”

A tiny voice in my head popped out of nowhere screaming the John McEnroe-esque, “You cannot be serious”. So, I just had to ask the obvious. “What do you mean these are for you?”

“I am trying to pinch my pennies so I could save money. You know that old saying that a man of wealth and means is candy to the eyes of women. I know the more money I have, the more attractive I will be to Nina. I am saving a lot of money by shopping wisely. I will be irresistible to her in no time."

“Not if you are going to use dog shampoo to wash your head with.”

“Oh no, I make a cocktail with this – half human shampoo and half dog shampoo to save money. And I still get the same hair-dried fluffy look.”

“That explains the bouffant hairdo that you are wearing.”

“Yeah, isn’t it cool looking?", brushing his hair with the dog brush. "There is something in the dog shampoo that does that and it saves me a trip to the hair salon – again saving me money. You know, if I was an animal, I would be a dog. They are loyal, fiercely protective of their master and they like having a lot of fun except when they have an accident now and again. Then, they have that puppy face. I know girls like that. I heard someone say once that a dog has only one purpose in life. And that is to bestow its heart. I’m trying to get in character for my Nina. Actors use method acting to copy a character that they are portraying. I’m trying to think like a dog so I can bestow my heart on Nina. She’s going to be so happy that she’ll think she’s in doggie heaven.”

“Let’s sit down over here”, he said while pointing at a waiting-bench. “I have to scratch my ears.”

“Why, you can’t scratch it standing up?”

“No, you silly! You know a dog scratches his ears with his legs. How can I do that if I’m standing up?” He then sat down and proceeded to furiously scratch his right ear with his right foot. It looked like he was slapping his earlobes with his shoe repeatedly. Shock was not a word precise enough to describe what I felt. I thought I was in a David Letterman segment of “Stupid Human and Pet Tricks”. The only difference was that he was both things - the human and the pet.

Beyond Belief.

Website Improvements

We have just moved to our new home on the web. As a result, certain links may not have migrated properly and may still be pointed to old web pages. We are aware of the error messages and are making appropriate corrections. 

The “Robert’s Justice” site is currently being reconfigured in advance of a national advertising campaign with our sponsors. In addition, a number of new features are being added to make information easier to access for our readers. The new changes are necessary to make the site more robust and responsive to the needs of our viewers in the future. Here’s a partial list of the new features being integrated:

1. Posting of actual filed court documents from myself and my opposition.
2. Real-time rulings on "Law and Motion" and other hearings.
3. An up to the minute court calendar for my court appearances.

Thank you for your patience. I could not continue this fight without all your support.

All the best,

Robert Lacambra

The Haircut

The inevitable haircut finally came a week ago. The last time I had a haircut was in May and so by the time I went to see my barber Gopal, I already looked like a longhaired bum/hermit. In the twenty-five years that I have known him there were only two occasions when someone else cut my hair, once when I moved and the other time when I was in the UK. So, that was the first time he saw my hair that long. I took a picture of myself before the haircut and thought it best to keep it private. Hideous is the word to describe the image. But, I’ll be posting pictures sporting my new haircut in the next few days. I want to include my children in the photo sessions, as my fight is also a fight about their future.

The reaction from the people who for months saw me around town with the long hair was rather interesting. I got a lot of compliments and words of encouragement urging me on with my fight. One lady bookseller at Barnes & Noble even said that by the way I look, verdicts will certainly be handed down in my favor. An acquaintance that I knew before my adventures failed to recognize me more than once until I had my haircut. One librarian, who I thought was funny said, “you’ll definitely be able to fool the jury”. Off course, she was being facetious. I think what she meant was, the jury will be more receptive to my message because my haircut makes me look competent. 

Appearances count for much in our society. That is why it is important to present your best self every moment it is practicable. If you are not able to speak to the person observing you, the only impression that could be made about you is based solely on your appearance. People have latent prejudices based on any number of things. And we are largely averse to unwholesome images and situations, particularly on the issue of homelessness. Granted, there are many people who are living on the streets because of their own failure to develop life skills. But, I would wager that if we were to get a homeless person and give him or her a makeover like we see on television shows, they’d be able to get a job. Whether they keep the job is another issue entirely. Some of these homeless individuals reject responsibility and do so proudly. “Why would I pay rent when they could live outdoors?”, they ask me. I’m studying this interesting puzzle and will be posting some of my ideas in the future.

Yestradamus 110708

The mirth of sand in a land of desolation

footprints to the distance from a beast of burden

the seasons of fire and ice

of smoldering clouds and rings of smoke

The word mirth is synonymous to the words happiness, pleasure and joy. Having gone to every corner of this earth, I can tell you that there is only one thing that can be happy in any desert. It is no other than the very durable and way cool looking animal we know as the Camel. Someone once said, “A Camel is a horse that was made by committee.” Along those lines, I can’t think of a committee that is more impressive than the Three Stooges - Manny, Moe and Curly.  Can you? I’m not saying the Three Stooges invented the Camel, but it comes pretty close. Did you see how those three guys punch each other in the face all the time and still come out OK on the next episode? If they were to create an animal it would be certainly as rugged as their faces like the Camel. 

In any event, this reminds me of a trip I once made to the Middle East. Because of a bad deal, I ended up with the short end of the stick – a curse, even. There are some curses that are regional in effect. For instance, if you’re in California and someone were to try to cast a spell on you by saying, “May the fleas of a thousand Camels find your tent”, you know you don’t have to worry about it because we don’t have Camels in California. That’s a no-brainer. But it’s a different story altogether if you are in a Middle Eastern dessert and you have a business deal that went south. That’s when you start worrying about the curse of the itchy fleas. One flea can do some damage, but a thousand of them – watch out.

I was trying to cut a deal with this merchant at a bazaar to purchase some knickknacks. I heard through a local contact that he can get me a pretty good deal on some Rolex watches and arranged to purchase a half dozen to add to my collection. For precaution, I looked at the bottom of the watches and the darn thing said it was “Made in China”. I told the guy, “Hey, there ain’t no Rolex factories in China, dude”. He said that there was because he was there himself as a V.I.P. Guest and even said “I swear to God”.  I told him that I didn’t believe him one bit. That’s when all hell broke loose. Next thing I know, I was confronted by a pissed off group comprised of three generations of his family and that’s when I got the flea curse. Those tiny buggers were waiting for me in my motel room. I woke up in the middle of the night screaming for some itch medication but nobody spoke English. By the time the flea attack was over, I basically looked like and felt like a leper.

Anyway, in the last two lines we see the words “fire”, “smoldering clouds” and “rings of smoke”. All that the Yestradamus needed to add on there was a paying customer at a local liquor store and you’ll have yourself a smoker with a bad smoker’s cough in the morning. Which, once again, brings us back to the Camel because if I was a smoker, I’d probably smoke Camels too – it’s cheaper.

What Yestradamus is trying to tell us is if you are itching (fleas) for a cigarette (Camel), don’t do it. Give the temptation some time (Rolex) to disappear on its own. If it persists, try to watch oldies and goodies comedy shows (Three Stooges) – it might entertain you long enough to forget you want to have a cigarette. Because, if you don’t and you are not able to control the urge, you might just check out a little earlier than you had initially planned (God). 

(Analyst 147X)

Congratulations Pres.-elect Obama

I was at the pizza place working when President-elect Obama was announced on CNN as the next leader of our country and of the free world. The results were so lopsided that the message was loud and clear. Americans want a new direction for our country.

My political convictions make me a staunch Republican. But as an immigrant, I cannot be any more proud of this great nation. The land that produced Abraham Lincoln bore for its history the highest ideal by elevating to its highest office a person of color.

Congratulations President-elect Barack Obama.