I had some down time one afternoon and took the rare opportunity to visit a pet store in town. I’ve always been fascinated with animals and was curious to find out what the store had. I came around the fish section and was inspecting the variety of fishes when on the other side, his face distorted by the aquarium full of water and the wandering fishes was the unmistakable face of Rich. Having recognized me, he came around to greet me.
“Dude, you wont believe what kinds of deals I have here in my basket", he said while stretching the basket to within inches of my face. I looked in the basket and saw an assortment of pet products that included grooming items like hairbrushes, combs and dog hair care products.
“I didn’t know that you had a pet.”
“Oh no, these are for my own personal use.”
A tiny voice in my head popped out of nowhere screaming the John McEnroe-esque, “You cannot be serious”. So, I just had to ask the obvious. “What do you mean these are for you?”
“I am trying to pinch my pennies so I could save money. You know that old saying that a man of wealth and means is candy to the eyes of women. I know the more money I have, the more attractive I will be to Nina. I am saving a lot of money by shopping wisely. I will be irresistible to her in no time."
“Not if you are going to use dog shampoo to wash your head with.”
“Oh no, I make a cocktail with this – half human shampoo and half dog shampoo to save money. And I still get the same hair-dried fluffy look.”
“That explains the bouffant hairdo that you are wearing.”
“Yeah, isn’t it cool looking?", brushing his hair with the dog brush. "There is something in the dog shampoo that does that and it saves me a trip to the hair salon – again saving me money. You know, if I was an animal, I would be a dog. They are loyal, fiercely protective of their master and they like having a lot of fun except when they have an accident now and again. Then, they have that puppy face. I know girls like that. I heard someone say once that a dog has only one purpose in life. And that is to bestow its heart. I’m trying to get in character for my Nina. Actors use method acting to copy a character that they are portraying. I’m trying to think like a dog so I can bestow my heart on Nina. She’s going to be so happy that she’ll think she’s in doggie heaven.”
“Let’s sit down over here”, he said while pointing at a waiting-bench. “I have to scratch my ears.”
“Why, you can’t scratch it standing up?”
“No, you silly! You know a dog scratches his ears with his legs. How can I do that if I’m standing up?” He then sat down and proceeded to furiously scratch his right ear with his right foot. It looked like he was slapping his earlobes with his shoe repeatedly. Shock was not a word precise enough to describe what I felt. I thought I was in a David Letterman segment of “Stupid Human and Pet Tricks”. The only difference was that he was both things - the human and the pet.
Beyond Belief.
