Yestradamus 050709

(Part 2 of 2)

READ PART ONE

That was when the wheelin’ and dealin’ started. I stared at the middle of the full-grown pine tree and motioned like I saw something horrible – almost ghostly. “Oh no, not that”, I said to her. “If there is anything that I am allergic to it’s the bee sting. When I was a child, my arm got stung by a bee while playing at the school playground. It didn’t take very long for it to balloon into the shape of a whale. For a couple of days after that, I had a little racket going at my school. I snuck out one of my Mom’s Tupperwares and filed it up with water. I placed my arm in it and whenever I folded my arms up it was like looking at a whale kicking it’s tail out of the water. It was actually pretty cool. I had people lining up in the bathroom at my school paying 10 cents each. It was a crude and an early example of pay-per-view. I called the show “The Whale Boy Extravaganza”.
 
She looked up and said. “Where is that beehive that my little tropical man is so afraid of?” I pointed at the dark inverted conical shadow in the middle of the tree. She took off her eyeglasses and smiled at me. “If I didn’t know you well, I would think that you were actually trying to wiggle out of a dare. That is not a beehive, that’s a little ol’ pinecone”. “It is?”, I asked smiling back at her. “Look how big that pinecone is. That things is huge”, I said.
 
My mind was going a hundred miles an hour at this point. Not 10, not 20 not 30 but 100 MPH – three digits. Things were getting randier by the moment. A decision had to be made quick because I had to get out of that situation. So, I tried to distract her. “Do you know Muhammad Ali?”, he was the guy who said, I float like a butterfly and sting like a bee.” He was the guy who tried to pull Howard Cosell’s wig on national television and expose his balled head. Do you know him?” She shook her head no. “We’ll, do you know Mike Tyson, then? He was the guy who bit off Evander Holyfield’s ear in the middle of the boxing ring at the MGM in Las Vegas.”
 
She wasn’t budging. Instead, she pointed to another tree and said, “We are not leaving until you show me that you can climb a tree for me, like you said.” At this point the sun was coming down and if I didn’t we’d be camping out there and pretty soon we’d be in a bad situation. There were three words that described what happened next. It was “Up, Down, Porcupine”. It seemed like every dry and hardened needle from that tree got in on the action and just let me have it. By the time I got down, I was like a porcupine in the silhouette of a man.
 
The moral of the story is - Do not say anything unless you are prepared to prove it.
 
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